Dealing with the Drama/Trauma

I don't even know where to start, but this needs to be said.  Someone needs to hear this.  Someone needs to be healed.

So I've been holding on to all this past trauma and dealing with it in portions.  As a child I repressed a lot of memories.  During my adolescence I used this as a trick to help me lie better... I figured if I didn't remember the truth then my lie would be true.  It was the only thing that worked for me because Im naturally an honest person.  If you understand astrology ect ect all the forms of biocosmology ect ect then you will understand what I mean when I say that I CANT Lie.  I fought it then, but now I've come to accept it.

Thats besides the point

This way of dealing with trauma-- Lying--Repressing memories so you can believe the lie--the fairytale version of the story is very prevalent in society.  Most people lie to themselves so well that they never are even consciously aware.  Its a slave thing- IMO

anywho...

What I'm saying is that ... the more I heal myself... the more memories of my childhood I recover... its hard to deal with but at the same time its liberating and brings clarity.  Its  a bittersweet experience that I know the whole world will benefit from me going through the process

Here is the story.

My father molested me as a child.  He told me that it was how love was supposed to be expressed.  He mad me think it was something special that was only shared between special people and that it was TOP SECRET information.  

Its hard for me to go into meditation now because real meditation for me is going to go deeper into the experience so that I can heal from it, but there is a battle.  The battle we all experience when dealing with trauma--you don't want to.  Its much easier for the psyche to pretend that it doesn't exist, but it does and until you deal with it the repercussions of it will remain a part of your life.

But my heart chakra can never be permanently opened until I deal with this experience.  This experience of severe neglect by my mother who was in denial while this happened to me.  The severe neglect of others in my family who knew something was happening with me and never took action to help me.  The abuse that for so long--I've fought my subconscious to delete from existence.  But no matter what I want to be true... no matter what anyone wants to be reality... IT HAPPENED.  and it must be dealt with.

How do I confront this?  How do I tell my oldest sister that her son has most likely been molested by my Father... how do I admit to keeping such a secret for so long due to shame?

I am ashamed.

I'm a healer... and this mess in my heart chakra is evident to every healer I meet.  Does this make me a hypocrite... forcing others to face their issues while I've been avoiding my own?

What will they say about me when they read this?

How many will say I made it all up?

I don't care anymore... I want to be free... I want to be me...and I want to be healed.

I'm Nanu

This is my story...


I'm a true healer.  If you need true healing, don't wait, contact me NOW
godisnanu@gmail.com
980.319.0623
beautifulnanu.com